


Charcoal

by CelticPhoenixProductions



Series: Souls Beyond Time [4]
Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Real Life, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-20
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-16 03:11:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7249693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelticPhoenixProductions/pseuds/CelticPhoenixProductions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pain does not exclude itself from heat; it can burn like a sun or chill a person down to the bone. In the wake of disaster two girls find themselves trapped in a cycle of suffering and release. Weary, they reach out, two struts in need of support, two hearts in need of rest, two souls in need of companionship. [Real World AU] "Souls Beyond Time - Part 4"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Installment four of 'Souls Beyond Time', this time a near-direct follow-up to the conclusion of 'Tinder'!
> 
> A clarification that caught some readers off guard; Japanese High Schools, at least by my understanding, have three years to them, as opposed to the American four or German five. Mami at the conclusion of the last story was a second year going-on third year, while Madoka, Homura, Sayaka, and Hitomi were all going-on second year. So the events of the story only covered a few months and didn't span years, like some had thought.
> 
> Once more though, we're diving back into some rather… risqué material here in the second part of the story (which will be up later). Adult content warning is going up. Again, I try to keep it tactful, but I just want to cover my bases.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy!

Suggested Listening: "Turtles All the Way Down", _Glitchhikers OST_

O/o\O

_Charcoal_

Homura Akemi.

To the public, that was just a name, one of dozens on a list of victims and unfortunate souls.

The name of a girl who had hoped to see family in Germany over Christmas break, to come home and spend time with the people she loved, to graduate and go on to college.

A name inscribed on a plaque in a graveyard just outside of Mitakihara's city limits.

Madoka was right though; it was still a lovely name.

Flight 431 had crashed in the Elburz mountains in Iran, casualty of a skirmish that had broken out between radicals hiding among the local villages and the current reigning regime. Fifty-two unlucky passengers, six hostesses and two pilots were counted among the missing or dead.

No one was really sure how many, if any, people survived the crash. Scouts had been sent in by Iran's military, assisted by Japanese and American coordinators, only to find the crash site being scoured and defended by the very rebels accused of the attack. By the time the area had been secured, there were only 46 charred, unidentifiable skeletons left at the site. Any others were either buried in the mountainside from the sheer force of the crash or the bodies had been taken by the insurgents. Regardless, the 'rescue' team had been left with half a hundred dead and very few answers.

Search parties combed the mountains for days after the attack, but after a week and a half of fruitless searching the parties were called back to focus on dealing with the terrorists instead.

No one had been found; the whole flight's roster was considered a complete loss.

The dedication funeral had been lovely, Mami admitted. The flight was international, but the majority of its occupants had been Japanese, so those that died were given a memorial in the city's nicest graveyard. Ceremonial ashes were laid to rest three weeks after the crash; wood ash, of course, since what bodies left behind were still being examined for identification.

The four remaining members of their crew had been present when they put the urn to rest at the memorial.

Mami glanced over to find Sayaka and Hitomi parked next to each other. Normally that would be a good sign; ever since she'd met them the two had seemed slightly at odds. But now it seemed less a bridge to repair a broken friendship and more putting aside their differences in the name of grief. Hitomi was patiently patting Sayaka's back as the blunette did her best to compose a stoic façade, an attempt marred by the quakes in her cheeks and the tears from her eyes. The grunette was better, but nowhere near perfect. Her posture was proper, her face was neutral, but she rivaled Sayaka when it came to how much moisture escaped from her verdurous orbs.

Worst off was Madoka. It had broken her heart, seeing the pinkette at the ceremony, bawling her eyes into any shoulder she could lean on. Even the fleeting joy of meeting the girl's parents, friends of Mami's from a day long past, failed to stifle the sour blood running under her skin, under the mood of everyone there.

In a way, Mami understood why Madoka was so much more emotional than anyone else at the funeral. The elder had observed her junior's grand empathic nature first hand; she was dedicated to helping the world however she could, to cheer it up one day at a time. Even Mami herself couldn't tout such purity; she did what she did, volunteering to cook for hospitals, becoming the nurse's assistant, going to soup kitchens on the weekend, out of guilt, which an admission she buried deep, far and away from anyone who might pry.

But in circumstances like this, that purity was a double-edged sword.

Madoka genuinely loved everyone, had faith in _everyone_ , no exceptions. To hear that one of her closest friends, maybe her closest friend ever, had died, and that dozens had died with her… The poor girl was probably suffering the worst month of her life.

She seemed especially torn when she heard that Homura's personal funeral would happen in Germany, a place she was not prepared to go to in the slightest for any number of reasons.

Hope had been stricken from the greatest dreamer in their ranks and that served to drain what little morale everyone else had.

The proceedings ended just after midmorning, with grieving couples, widows and friends lingering around as distraught souls do in times of grief.

Madoka was one of the last ones to approach the statue and plaque, Mami and Madoka's mother gently pushing the girl forward, giving her the boost in confidence she needed to take those deafening steps.

The pinkette collapsed just as she reached the monument, fingers skimming across the plaque as her knees hit the ground.

"Madoka!"

"Kaname!"

Mami and Madoka's mother didn't react in time to catch her, though their hands immediately fell again to the girl's shoulders.

"I… I… H-H-H-Hom-m-m…" the girl blubbered, her words punctuated droplets of saliva flinging from her lips.

The girl gave a rough hic, prompting the older student to rub her back.

"Shhh… Madoka… Just… Let it out, okay?" Mami cooed. A look up found the eyes of the weary mother, who motioned for Mami to press Madoka into a joined hug.

Mami did so, easing the small girl between them, and there they stayed for half an hour as Madoka cried herself to exhaustion.

O/o\O

"Will you be alright taking them back alone, Tomo?"

Mami watched as the elder Kaname saw off her husband, Madoka and her brother Tatsuya asleep in the back seat of the compact car. Neither of them handled emotional drain put on them by the service very well and had seen fit to nap on the way home.

"I'll be fine, Jun. Just be sure to be home earlier today, okay? Madoka needs you," the man replied, leaning out of the driver's side window. The two shared a chaste peck before he sat back down, rolled up the window and drove off, leaving the waving student and business woman next to the cemetery.

"You have a lovely husband, Miss Kaname," Mami noted, allowing herself a half-smile.

"He's the best in the world," the woman sighed, her form slumping. Another breath and the confidence returned to her form, "And that's Junko little miss; you'll make me feel old calling me 'Miss Kaname' all the time."

Mami puffed out a dry chuckle, "I suppose you're right. I'm not fan of when little kids call me 'Tomoe-san', either." The blonde blinked, looking at the briefcase in Junko's hand, "You're still going to work, even after all of that?"

Junko nodded, a weary grin on her cheeks, "Yep." She patted the case, "World doesn't stop; sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and run with it till it gives you a break. I won't be getting one quite yet… and I don't think Madoka's going to get one soon either."

The older woman began to step towards the nearest bus stop, "I'll walk you home before heading into work, Mami. I have something I need to ask you."

Mami tailed behind, fingers knotting with the smaller frills on her black dress.

"What do you need, Mis-Junko?"

Junko glanced back briefly before looking forward again, seemingly pleased that Mami was following her as she'd requested, "I want your help to keep Madoka afloat. She's a very strong girl… maybe even stronger than I was at her age, and I was quite the spitfire… But, she's always been so sensitive to other people… I don't think she can handle this alone."

Mami frowned, brows knitting in consternation, "Junko… I don't think that I'm really the best person for the job…"

A scoff came from the businesswoman, "Are you serious, Mami?" Junko's voice softened, "You're one of the strongest people I know… What you went through with your parents… the fact alone that you're still here today, working so hard at living a normal life… It's more than enough proof to me that Madoka would be in good hands."

A knot formed in Mami's chest, causing the blonde to grip at her heart.

"I'm… I don't think…"

A gentle hand landed on her head.

"This isn't a situation where you need to think, Mami. This is one where you need to feel. I've always been the one who was good at thinking, never all that great at feeling…" Junko admitted, glancing wearily to the side. "I'm wise enough though to tell when I need to call in help. My husband and I can only do so much at home; Madoka will need someone to help get her through school and when we're not around."

They reached the bus stop, idling by the post.

"But, I'm not strong!" Mami lamented, feeling something inside her crack, "I'm barely holding my life together as is… I depend on Madoka, I depend on all of them… How can I help them when they're the only things keeping me sane?"

Mami closed her eyes and began to rub her temples with one hand, a light stream tailing from her lids.

Once more, that friendly hand landed on her head.

"I can see that. But what you don't see is just how powerful _being_ there can be," Junko responded. She raised up her hands flat, parallel to each other while the briefcase hung off her thumb. "Right now, you two are like unsteady wooden posts… well, I mean your whole group is like that right now, but that's not the point I'm trying to make… You're like two posts that have been uprooted and are unsteady…" Junko steepled her hands, pressing the fingertips together in a crude pyramid, "Alone, you would both fall over, but together you become each other's crutch. It's still not the most stable, but then add another post and another post and another and soon you have a structure, a web that can't be knocked down by anything. Go ahead, lean on them, but remember that they're all leaning on you just as much, Mami."

The blonde watched as Junko dissected her inner conflict in seconds, almost in awe at how swiftly her issues were critiqued.

"In fact," the woman continued, perking just a touch, "It might be beneficial if you lean on Madoka a little bit…"

"Uh… what?"

As rude as the question was phrased, the perplexing nature of Junko's statement threw Mami's normal formality for a loop.

Junko chuckled. "Madoka always comes to me about feeling powerless, at least she did before that Akemi girl popped up…" the woman explained, her pleasant façade dropping as she spoke. She reached a middle ground, a neutral face that seemed to stick, "She hates feeling like she can't do anything to help… so… maybe if you become someone she has to _help_ , someone she _can_ help, as you've observed yourself… Well, that might help her in return. Make her feel like there's something she _can_ do."

The bus finally arrived, the two dutifully climbing aboard.

"I… I'll do it," Mami decided, standing next to Junko. The older woman smiled down on her.

"I appreciate it, Mami. I know she'll be safe in your care," warm violet eyes carried the same message. The blonde blushed and looked away, an uneasy pressure building in her chest… a familiar pressure. One she thought she'd never feel ever again… one she never _did_ want to feel again.

A groaning broke out across the bus, causing the few other passengers to turn their heads towards the business woman. Junko scratched her cheek as Mami rose an eyebrow.

"I… uh… skipped breakfast this morning thanks to an early meeting…"

Having been the underdog in the conversation thus far, Mami suddenly found herself in familiar territory and breathing a sigh of relief.

"Then might I invite you in so I can make you something. It wouldn't take long, I assure you," Mami offered.

Junko gave a small dismissive wave, "No, no, I couldn't possibly impose on you after dumping all that responsibility on your shoulders, that'd be overkill."

"I insist, though! You shouldn't go through such a long day without eating!" Mami pushed.

Junko leaned back and sighed, scratching her head, "Well, how's this. I'll treat _you_ to a tea shop near your house; your pick. Consider it an early thank you-slash-down payment. That way I also don't get my husband mad at me for turning down his offer to get up early and cook for me!"

Mami slumped into her hand hold, an empty but resigned smile on her face, "I suppose that'll do…"

O/o\O

Suggested Listening: "Confessio", _Puella Magi Madoka Magica OST_

O/o\O

The memorial had been put in place in late January, yet now sagged the dusk of May.

Mami finished signing a kanji at the bottom of the report, a soft sigh dancing from her lips.

Almost five months since she had to bury one of her juniors, at least in name. Normalcy had seemed to reestablish itself, a status quo achieved, though one that wasn't so pleasant. There were less meet ups, less hang outs, less friendly visits…

Hitomi had maybe been the first to recover, or at least was the only one to do it gracefully, considering she tended to restrain outward signs of emotion. While Mami couldn't say such behavior was healthy (and made the girl seem a little cold), she couldn't blame the grunette. Sayaka hadn't changed too much, aside from a few dour spouts and a sudden spike in how protective she was around people she cared about. She'd become very touchy around people outside their respective circles, often starting arguments with strangers after simple misunderstandings just because she felt defensive about something or someone.

Perhaps the worst came from Madoka. The girl had become… distant; that jubilation, that balmy temperament becoming more air than mist. The lack of get-togethers were troubling as well, meaning that Mami had less of a chance to speak with Madoka on the regular… even then conversations didn't seem to last long unless it was something of dire importance.

It frustrated the blonde at how quickly she began failing to keep her promise, but there was little she could do without trying to demand control over Madoka's life in its entirety. Instead, she settled for being content, or at least trying to be, with the lot life had thrown her _this_ time.

She leaned back, resting down the pen and looking out to the midday sky; clear for the most part, dots of white and a bright orange disk making the urban landscape a little more cheery.

She glanced around the room, eyes picking over the four empty cots lined against the infirmary wall. With the nurse out at a small conference for the hour, the room was surprisingly quiet. Chillingly so. Mami popped out of the chair, shivering as she walked to the window and shoved it open, letting warm springtime winds into the building.

Technically she wasn't supposed to do that too often, to keep the infirmary as sanitary as possible, but she couldn't deny the temptation of the sweet smells of the season. The only other times she got something like that was when…

She blinked, realizing she'd let her mind wander where it shouldn't.

The quiet still ate at her, though. Her fingers drummed on the window sill, if only to generate a little noise to break the monotony. Having an hour of class off each day was nice, but she only took this position to help people, not waste time. She clutched her chest as a cold swell began to ebb from her core, one that not even the warm spring breeze could relieve.

The door slid open behind her, startling her. Briefly, she thought of someone specific, hoping for the warm smile that could put the cold at ease.

And while her desire was met with disappointment, it was mixed with pleasant surprise as well.

Hitomi gave a soft smile as she carried in a small potted plant atop her delicate fingertips.

"Oh, Shizuki, I didn't expect you to pop in," Mami sighed, letting her lips curve up a tick.

Hitomi nodded, to Mami has she carefully rested the plant on the table, "Well, it seems as if our teacher lost a bet with the nurse. This was the payment." The grunette rolled her eyes, brushing a bang out of her periphery, "As class representative it was 'my duty' to deliver the spoils of war." The observation was punctuated with an airy and amused chuckle on the younger girl's part.

"Well, it's certainly pleasant seeing a friendly face. It's been rather slow around here all day," Mami replied, giving a broad motion to the empty cots.

"Did I interrupt rush hour?" Hitomi sighed, her words insincere and teasing. The dainty hand to the collar bone perfected the joke, leading to a very unladylike snort from the senior. Soon enough, the two of them had devolved into a fit of giggles.

This was a unique pleasure she could share with Shizuki and Shizuki alone; the dropping of the proper girl garb. The two had a shared history of growing up learning proper formal etiquette, and so, unlike most of their peers, often remained more uptight while in casual conversations, usually taking on a more parental role among peers and as the dutify wards to educators and seniors. But, when the two were alone, like the occasional baking session together, the two could relax their façades. That didn't mean that Mami didn't relax it around her friends, but when something was as ingrained as her manners it took two familiar in the art to lift the burden quickly and efficiently.

The two finished their giggle fit as the bell rang in the background.

"Well, I wish I could stay and chat, but classes call. I'll see you after school, Tomoe!" Hitomi smiled, waving as she trotted out the door.

"Be careful until then!" Mami replied, going over to the door to wave the girl off.

Once the door was safely closed behind her, Mami pressed herself against it, rubbing her chest.

The cold was growing, slowly, steadily, only fractionally impeded by the other girl's interruption. It didn't help that she had to waltz back over to the desk and work on filling out forms for the nurse, the one who she had to admit more than once felt more like an aide to _Mami_ than the other way around with how consistently the woman took off during these hour periods.

For what felt like an eternity she sat there, pencil scratching away, ears longing painfully to hear the sounds of distant birds and people milling around the school. Chimes wafted over the wind, briefly breaking the worldly monotony with a heavenly tone. And, for a moment, the cold ceased to grow, prompting a shallow smile across her lips.

The door slammed open, making Mami's pencil tip snap.

Her eyes shot up to find a tussled mass of cornflower hair in the doorway.

"We…" Sayaka huffed, ocean blues flying up to meet Mami's gold, "We can't… hha… can't find Madoka…"

Mami stood, eyes jumping to the clock. It was five minutes before she herself was supposed to go back to class, which meant that her juniors were in the middle of a lesson.

Mami strut to the door, grabbing her bag; her shift was over as far as she was concerned. "When was the last time you saw her?" she immediately asked. The blunette shifted backwards to let her senior out of the doorway, Mami indirectly dragging the two down the hallway with her aimless steps.

"Lunch in the cafeteria… she seemed down the whole meal but I couldn't get her to open up!" Sayaka groaned, threading fingers through her fringe. "She said she needed to go to the bathroom after the bell rung, so I went on without her… When she didn't show up I was worried, but I thought she was just running late… but she just wouldn't show up so I decided to ask permission to go look for her…" the junior scoured, gripping her shoulder uneasily. "She's not in the cafeteria, or the bathrooms or… anywhere… Damnit, I shouldn't have let her go off alone!"

The senior placed a comforting hand on the younger girl's shoulder, "We'll find her… did you try her phone? Is there anything odd about today, other than the way she's been acting?"

"She left her bag in the classroom and she turns off her phone when she's in class anyway," Sayaka lamented, "And it's been a pretty ordinary day so far. Nothin' weird goin' on besides Madoka actin' all depressed…"

Depressed. The word stuck with Mami, maybe in part because Mami knew that's what she herself was suffering, but also because there was the brief wonder of why Madoka would be depressed on such a random day…

It hit her.

"She invited her to have lunch on the roof…" Mami whispered, the implications hitting her like a load of bricks. Sayaka gave her a quizzical look, but before she could even open her mouth Mami snapped her head to the side, "What day is it?!"

Sayaka staggered back at the sudden command, her fingers fumbling into her pockets to pull out her cell. Moments later, it was flipped open to the calendar, displaying a very clear date.

Mami turned away, immediately launching into a jog towards the stairs, "I know where she is!"

Maybe thirty seconds passed as the two clambered up the stairs, the moment culminating in the duo bull rushing the door at the top.

The roof access door burst open, Mami and Sayaka toppling out onto the spacious terrace, their feet stumbling from sudden panicked exertion.

Exertion that was well earned, because the moment they looked up, they found exactly who they were looking for.

Madoka was sitting on the bench in the middle of the square, curled in on herself like a ball, what could be seen of her eyes distant and glazed. In her hands was a thick red bow that dangled out from between her fingers.

Mami collected her breath quickly, standing straight and swallowing the lump in her throat. She turned to Sayaka, who was even more winded from her frantic search around the school.

"Sayaka… go tell your teacher that Madoka's gone home for the day," Mami ordered, her voice barely above a whisper.

The blunette straightened, resting her hand on the door frame while still taking in air, "Mami, what's going on?"

Mami turned back to Madoka, eyes sullen, "Today… is the day we all met Homura. One year ago…"

Sayaka's mouth drooped a bit as recognition sunk into her pupils, "I… o-oh…"

There was a pause. Instead of leaving, Sayaka stepped forward, gripping Mami's arm and dragging the two of them towards the stationary Madoka.

"What are you doing, Miki!" Mami sputtered, confused.

"Shhh…" Sayaka responded, giving the older girl a glare.

The two neared the catatonic girl, who barely lifted her head at their presence. The pinkette's mouth began to form words, only for Sayaka to cut them off by pulling the three of them into a group hug, pinning down the errant student.

She realized what Sayaka was doing. Without using words she was trying to comfort her best friend, trying to ease the pain by spreading it out between the three of them. It was a rare moment of seriousness from the playful teen, and while it may not have been very polite Mami couldn't help but find pride in how maturely Sayaka was trying to handle the situation.

Madoka, for her part, buried herself into both their arms, tears dampening their shoulders as they squeezed her tighter.

"There, there," Mami cooed, rubbing the girl on the back.

Even though the words she spoke were meant to comfort, it was difficult when her own chest was constricting at such a rapid pace. It became apparent to her that she and Madoka shared a bond, empathic in nature, that the older girl felt the same crippling pains as the younger.

But, through that tension, there was also relief, as the cold began to recede from whence it came; that touch, the soft, dainty weight of the girl below her salving the frostbitten edges of the senior's psyche.

"It was too cold…" Madoka sobbed, her words absorbed into Sayaka's shoulder. "You said it was too cold but when we did come up here we ended up loving it… We ate up here every day we could."

The pinkette hiccupped, her face smearing against the creamy uniforms.

"We know Madoka, we know," Sayaka sighed, pulling one of the smaller girl's hands into her own.

Madoka took in a sharp breath, her body beginning to shiver, "It's just… why? Why her? Why anyone?!"

Sayaka flinched at the caustic tone, but Mami didn't bat an eye. Those sentiments echoed from a time long past, back after the day that had changed her life. If Madoka was at all similar to herself, this would be a hard conversation to stomach; that of the idealist colliding with the emotionless wall of reality.

"It's not fair!" the pinkette wheezed, "None of this is fair!"

"It's not, Madoka, we both know that, but it's something we all need to push past in our lives. It's not easy, it hurts, but there are some things we all just need to let go of…" Mami admitted, holding the girl tighter.

As the blonde expected, Madoka jutted back from the hold, setting Sayaka off balance but leaving Mami unfazed. She was ready for what was coming.

"Hurts?" Madoka cried, her voice cracking, "Hurt doesn't last for months on end! It doesn't go away when every day I can see her walking to school with me! Or walking home! Or in the halls! Or her overtop the person sitting in her desk!"

Mami waited, flexing her fingers, knowing the moment was nigh. Sayaka caught glimpse of the action, only to ignore it while in awe at the vitriol escaping the normally tame girl's mouth.

"It's too much, alright! I just… None of you… None of you could understand…-"

The words the senior had been waiting for having been spoken, her hand lashed out, snapping Madoka across the cheek.

Sayaka froze. Madoka froze. Mami glared.

Mami let her hand linger in the air, waiting until Madoka composed herself enough to stare at the blonde in shock, and maybe a little bit of terror.

"Don't think you're the only one to ever go through that!" Mami snarled. "Did you forget that Homura was my friend, too? Or Sayaka's? Or Hitomi's? You might have been the closest to her, but you're not the only one that's been hurt by her dying!" The other two stared at her, unsure how to respond. So instead, she continued, "I've lost several people who are dear to me, people who didn't deserve what happen and not a day goes by that I don't think about any one of them, that I don't _miss_ any one of them! Whatever you're feeling now I've gone through a hundred fold!"

It would have normally been uncouth, no, unheard of for Mami to _ever_ raise her voice against a junior, but it seemed to do the trick.

The angry Madoka, the unnatural rage and fire, subsided, leaving behind waves of anguish in its wake. For a moment, all that was left was a husk, a shell that had been Madoka, which shifted as the scowl on her face melted into a tortured frown. Again came the water works, and again Mami was ready.

Gently, very gently, and without making sudden movements, she pulled Madoka against herself, the two molding briefly into one lump of sorrow. Mami only vaguely registered that she was crying now too. She wasn't sure when that had happened, or when Sayaka had also begun sniffling along with them.

"I miss them… Mom… Dad… Friends…" Mami sniveled, pushing her face into the crown of Madoka's head. "I want them back so much, and I try to be strong about it, but sometimes I can't be… And that's why I'm so happy to have you, all of you," she blubbered, looking over at Sayaka.

The blunette edged forward and wrapped her arms around Mami and Madoka, face uneasy, but determined to do something. The two leaned into it.

"So I know how you feel, and I'm telling you it doesn't get better, but it does get easier when you have people to rely on…" Mami hicked. "You both, Hitomi… I depend on all of you when it's the hardest… So please, Madoka, don't feel like you can't rely on us for the same thing…"

Madoka shook in their arms, her head swaying back and forth, yellow ribbons brushing just under Mami's chin.

"I… I'd just be… a burden…" the pinkette mumbled.

"Nonsense," Mami laughed, a rather genuine one at that, "We all _need_ you to rely on us… Just as much as we rely on you." She punctuated the comment with a squeeze to the hug, "We'll all get through this, together, okay? All of us, I promise."

Mami pulled back to look down on the crying Madoka, prompting Sayaka to lean back as well.

Madoka sniffed, her eyes to the ground, before she finally gave a nod and looked up at the two. Mami smiled and wiped a tear from Madoka's eye.

Sayaka, meanwhile, reached down and picked at the ribbon in Madoka's hand, pulling it from the girl's grip. The pinkette was resistant at first, her fist clutched tight, until Mami carefully peeled it open, revealing the ribbon to be a choker with a gorgeous fuchsia teardrop pendant.

"She gave this to you, right?" Sayaka asked, finally holding the item in her hand. She held it with reverence, as one would hold an urn.

The pinkette nodded, eyes closing for a flicker to expel what seemed to be the last of her tears. The girl appeared to have gone dry.

Cornflower eyes sparkled, maybe from joy, maybe a trick of the extra moisture around the iris, but there was no reason to doubt the confident smile on Sayaka's face. The girl reached forward and unbuttoned Madoka's school collar and pulled it low enough so that she could tie the choker in place, letting it dangle awkwardly over the junior's uniform.

Madoka touched the pendant, giving Sayaka an inquisitive stare. Sayaka smiled more in response, "We'll never forget her; we could never pretend she didn't exist. I may not have liked her the most, but she was still my friend, and she meant a lot to my best friend in the whole wide world. So I want you to wear that every day you can and every time you do, I want to see you smiling, alright? Because Homura wouldn't ever want to see you like you are now. She would want you to be happy. That much I'm sure I know."

Mami grinned, adding, "And so do we. We all want to see you happy, so if you're ever having problems coping, come to us, alright? I'm sure none of us mind going through a few good sob sessions if it means having that old smile back."

The pinkette managed a teary grin, earnest and thankful. She sniffed, wiped her own eyes and nodded, pigtails bouncing in place. Words seemed to escape the girl, leaving her only with affirmative grunts and whines.

"I feel like we're starting to repeat ourselves…" Sayaka chuckled, combing fingers into her bangs.

Mami stood and patted herself off, "Well, I've found that grief is a very circular condition. Treating it may very well be circular as well." A few wipes and the blonde freed herself of the moisture in her eyes, "Mik-Sayaka, if you would go tell your teacher that Madoka isn't feeling so well and that you need to escort her home… I'll do the same and I can treat you both to something nice at my place where we can… talk about this more. If that's alright with both of you…"

Madoka thumbed the jewel at her neck and grew a decidedly wistful, sad smile. She glanced at Mami and nodded, giving a hoarse, "I think that would help…"

Sayaka, for her part, looked at the tear stains running down her uniform and sighed, though she certainly kept her smile, "Sheesh… saying a tipped mop bucket did this would be quicker…" The girl looked up, patting herself dry as best she could, "'Course Mami, I'll go do that. You two meet me down at the shoe lockers."

The blunette stepped forward, gave Madoka one last hug, and then jogged off towards the door, leaving the two alone. Mami bent at the knees and smiled at Madoka.

"Feeling any better?" she asked, brow raised.

Madoka swallowed, eyes shifting off to the side, her fingers playing with the pendant idly.

"No," the girl responded.

Mami's face darkened, her smile slipping.

The pinkette gave a rueful smile as she looked down at the gem, "But… I think I will soon…"

Mami's smile returned to full strength… and for a brief moment she had hope that that cold spot in her chest might fade away completely some day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to dive right into part two!

Suggested Listening: "Doubt", _Puella Magi Madoka Magica Rebellion OST_

O/o\O

The emotional release that day had been cathartic, and the pact they'd all made lifesaving. Mami had even been sure to invite Hitomi to her house that evening so she could be brought into the fold proper. The days were occasionally slow, and occasionally very painful; sometimes Madoka would ask them to hold her during lunch break, sometimes something would remind her of Homura and she'd break into a fit of tears (a couple of times in the middle of class, prompting her to go to the nurse), and once she'd even told them that she wasn't going to be coming into school at all.

But the four stuck together. They made an effort to hang out more, to see each other more, to talk more and get whatever bad miasma hung around them to dispel.

Mami placed a teabag in the pot, her mind wandering to one of those nights back in August over the summer, when the four had come back from visiting the water park.

They had all been exhausted and had milled in her living room finishing up some shaved ice they'd bought on the way home, all of them still lounging on damp towels. The quartet had been bantering back and forth all day, a tradition that had been seemingly lost after Homura's passing, but now was gradually coming back into play after so long away.

The topic was an old one, Sayaka's crush on her childhood friend, a boy by the name of Kamijou Kyosuke. The blunette swatted away taunts and teases like she usually did, her attempts to deflect the questions proving feeble until one moment where she asked a question that struck a chord.

"What about you Mami, you're gorgeous! Surely you've had a boyfriend or two!"

At the time the blonde had been finishing up her shaved ice, only for the question to catch her off guard and for her scoop to fall back into the bowl.

Three sets of eyes looked to her, expectant. With dignity, she set down her bowl onto the triangular glass coffee table, picking up a napkin to dab at her face.

"I…" Mami swallowed, words not coming to her naturally. She broke form for a moment and chuckled self-consciously, brushing a loose bang behind her ear. "I don't… actually… I don't play for the same team, so to speak…"

The admission was a long time coming. She'd kept a lot of her past regarding the Sakura family tight-lipped, even after promising everyone they'd work together through the tough times.

Admitting you were gay, in any context, was awkward, even without local social stigmas. And even now she saw the shock on all of their faces. Madoka leaned forward, the concern on her face almost adorable. Sayaka had her head cocked at an angle, curiosity gleaming behind sapphire orbs. Hitomi… Hitomi averted her gaze, fists clenching at her skirt.

"There was this girl…" she continued, fingers playing off each other, "Kyoko…" Mami closed her eyes and swallowed hard, "We were happy, but one day something… tragic happened and we had to split up. To this day it's one of my biggest regrets that I let her go…"

"Mami…" Madoka sighed, the girl's eyes bowing with empathy.

The blonde waved a dismissive hand, lackadaisical smile on her lips, "Oh, don't you worry about me, I'm fine… She… she might have hurt me in the end, but I cherish all those happy memories together."

Hitomi jutted from her seat, her form stick straight.

"Well, that's… wonderful to hear, Tomoe," the grunette said haphazardly, hands reaching for her affects, "though I realized I'm late to… to…"

The girl's reaching voice was stopped by a palm lancing out and grasping her wrist.

"…'Tomi, you can't run from it forever…" Sayaka sighed, tugging the grunette back towards her seat. The blunette's face became pained, "Neither of us can."

Hitomi was silent, her arm still tensed as she tried to pull it away, like a deer caught in headlights Mami imagined.

Eventually the tea maiden stopped struggling and Sayaka's grip loosened, fingers dropping to grip the proper girl's palm and gently guide her back to her seat.

The two were silent, letting Madoka and Mami share a worried glance.

"S-so…" Sayaka started, hand pushing at the hair at her brow, "About… a year and a half ago? Remember that big fight we had, Madoka?"

"Ah! The one where you two got drunk and upset each other!" Madoka perked, eyes flying wide with recognition.

The blunette rubbed the back of her neck, giving a nervous giggle, "Yeah, so… it wasn't… really… an argument…"

The bubblegum girl leaned forward, giving Sayaka that same concerned stare that she'd given Mami not two minutes earlier.

"Sayaka… you… please…" Hitomi pleaded meekly. The grunette's face was twisted, her lips curled into a grimace and her eyes narrowed.

The blunette shook her head, adamant, "No, I'm sick of us keeping it secret from them, especially Madoka when she had to deal with all of our shit back then! Mami _just_ came out to us, I think they'll both understand!"

Mami's brow flexed, but she stayed her tongue, refraining from the risk of ruining the moment.

"Are you two…?" Madoka gasped, eyes swaying between them.

Sayaka sighed, resting her elbows on the table, "Last year, we got drunk and we…" Hitomi screwed her eyes shut. "We ended up sleeping together…" The air was still, but the girl pressed on, "We've both agreed that it was a mistake and we've been trying to push past it all this time… all of _that_ was thanks to you, Madoka. Without you we probably would have stopped being friends…"

While the look in Sayaka's eyes was conflicted, the smile was genuine and seemed to put the pinkette at ease.

Seeing the relief cross Madoka's face had made her stomach flutter and a subtle, familiar warmth billow from her gut. To the point at hand, though, Mami decided a small, accepting smile was the best course of action, as opposed to verbally responding.

"So, does that mean that you're both…" Madoka fought with the words, "…gay?"

The girl was meek when she was outside of her element, and she spoke the word as if it were taboo. In many regards, it was. Japan was relatively traditional with its practices; women married men, men supported the household, and so on. Which, she'd noted, was odd; Madoka's family was the least traditional of the four, the odd one out (not counting Mami's deceased parents who were pretty straight arrows). Maybe, in a twisted sense, it meant that words like that were more sensitive to her. She was the outsider trying not to offend a native culture, or a child trying to speak in 'adult' for the first time. Whatever the reason, the behavior was adorable.

"No!" Hitomi snapped, her voice layered with panic. The hostess and her two other guests blinked at the grunette, who shrunk into herself under the deeper scrutiny. "I… I mean… n-no…" the girl finished weakly.

Sayaka shook her head and scratched her cheek, "I… well… I don't…. I haven't quite figured that out, to be honest…"

Hitomi didn't bother to look up, but the other two repositioned themselves to look at the blunette.

"I mean… I didn't hate it, but… I just don't feel like that towards Hitomi… And Kyosuke… I l-like him, so, y'know… Maybe I am… a little?" Sayaka shrugged, raising her palms in uncertainty.

"I'm straight," Hitomi barked, slamming a suddenly confident hand onto the table. Everyone jumped, and Mami was getting whiplash from her head nodding between the two, "I… Sayaka and I agreed it was a mistake, and it was. I…like _guys_ , so I don't want any of you to get any ideas about me, okay?!"

It was more a plea than an order, but the other three seemed to understand. Mami shifted in her seat and patted the shorter girl's head, giving her an award winning smile, "We'd never outcast you for something so trivial, Shizuki. And I'm sure we'll all do our best to not make you uncomfortable now that we know."

Hitomi pouted and crossed her arms, grumbling, "Not like Sayaka hasn't been doing that on purpose since we had our talk about it…"

"Hey, it's not my fault you're such a stick in the mud," Sayaka retorted, sighing as she leaned back on her hands. Her eyes found their way over to Madoka, who had rested her chin in her hands and was dopily smiling at the other girls. The blunette grinned, a mischievous glint in her eye, "What about _you_ , Madoka? We're all here spilling our guts, only fair you cough up too!"

"Ehh?!" Madoka stumbled, falling through her hands. Mami reached over to catch the girl before she plunked face first into the soggy Styrofoam cup in front of her. "Ah, thank you, Mami!"

"Not a problem… Though, I have to say, I'm curious as well…" Mami replied, tapping a finger to her chin and letting a playful smile uncurl.

"Aww… you too…?" Madoka pouted. "You guys are ganging up on me…"

Sayaka rolled her eyes, "C'mon, we're not going to bite!"

Madoka sunk into herself, somewhat squeezing her eyes closed.

"I… I don't really know…" she squeaked, her shoulders slumping, "I… care about so many people that it's… kinda hard to tell how many people I love like… _that_ … And the only one I was sure of…"

Mami sighed, knowing that they were about to poke down into a sensitive topic. But the mood was light she decided that it probably wasn't the best time to dwell. She rested a hand on Madoka's shoulder, taking care to thumb the ribbon at the girl's neck.

"And I know she felt the same way about you… You don't need to say anymore, Kaname," Mami cooed. Madoka's grateful eyes met her and Mami's insides began to melt. She steeled herself inside and squeezed her fingers around Madoka's shoulder, a tender, caring move. The warmth in her gut was beginning to get distracting, having wormed its way into her throat. She stood, smiling, "How about I go warm us all up some tea and we can get a jump on our Summer homework?"

Sayaka groaned and hit her head on the table, "Ugh! Do we _have_ to! I thought I could put that off at _least_ one more day…"

A loud beep brought Mami back to the present day, to the teabag lounging in the simmering water. She removed the bag and replaced the lid, shifting the hot porcelain to a tray with two cups and a plate of colorfully decorated cookies, with flakes of green and red.

Mami mused to herself how quickly the years could pass. Last Christmas Eve had been one of the best memories of her life, with her and her four friends all enjoying the holidays together and watching sappy rerunning specials together. She'd never felt more at home than with her raucous friends… well, maybe with Kyoko, but that was a memory she didn't exactly want to pull up. Nor was the day after last Christmas Eve. Instead, she wanted to focus on tonight and her lone guest, waiting patiently for her at the dinner table.

"Here we go," Mami sighed, placing down the tray in the middle of the table. Madoka smiled up at her, gently swishing her legs underneath the table. The blonde seated herself just across, pulling out the finely carved wooden chair and gracefully sliding into place before pouring tea for the two of them.

The plan had been for all four of them to spend Christmas together, like the year previously. Only, it hadn't worked out right. Sayaka and Hitomi's parents, longtime family friends of each other, had apparently connived for the two families to travel south for the winter, and neither felt comfortable leaving their girls alone, especially since Sayaka's parents missed her last Christmas and wanted to make up for it.

So that left Madoka and Mami, and while the blonde had tried to insist they just cancel, Madoka counter-insisted that none of her friends were going to be alone on Christmas. Ultimately the pinkette won out and here the two were, enjoying a post-meal pot of tea and some light conversation. Or, at least, it was supposed to be light, but the events following the previous Christmas party hung over the two like humid summer air.

Madoka took her cup and sipped at the contents, bristling as the hot liquid tore down her throat.

"It's great, Mami," Madoka grinned, setting her cup down on the saucer, "Really warms you right up, doesn't it?"

Mami took a sip of her own cup and winced. The liquid was still scalding hot.

"You have a higher tolerance than I do, then, Madoka," Mami chuckled, fanning her tongue.

The pinkette scratched the back of her head, "Well, my mom always said I had a 'strong constitution', at least when it came to battling the elements…"

Mami smiled, setting her mug down to let it cool, "You sound like Kyoko. No matter what you stuffed in front of her, no matter how hot or cold it was… if it was edible, she'd eat it without complaint…"

Madoka's sheepish grin faltered, her hands cupping her tea for warmth, "You… never really talk about her."

"Hmm?" the blonde hummed, her thoughts momentarily lost to herself. "Oh, Kyoko?"

"Yeah. You talked about her that one time… but you've never really talked about her since…"

The cook frowned, "Mostly because it's… somewhat painful. She was very dear to me. And then came a day where something terrible happened and she decided that it'd be best… not to continue our relationship… to any degree…"

"I'm sorry to hear that," Madoka knit her brows. Her lips pursed, "Ho-w… What was she like?"

Mami leaned back in the chair, finally taking another careful sip of her tea. This time, she could bare it, though it was still definitely on the 'hot' side of the spectrum.

"She was… wild, in a lot of ways. Very passionate is probably the best way to put it," the blonde mused, finger edging around the lip of her mug. "She could put down food like a disposal and never broke a sweat whenever we decided to go out and exercise. She was lazy too, though. She'd always complain about going out and doing things, but she was tapered because her father brought her up very structured," Mami's smile became wistful, leaning forward as she took a heavy sip of her tea.

"She'd do what she had to, but she'd complain about the actual work involved, even if it was for a good cause. Never complained about the good stuff though. She volunteered in soup kitchens from time to time, always ranted about how the aprons were too small, or the pot handles always got too hot to lift, but she never once complained about the people she served…"

A flash of red hair appeared to Mami, Kyoko wearing a tight apron and smiling face pocked with splashes of tomato sauce as she handed out pasta to the homeless. Ever so briefly, Madoka, kindhearted girl that she was, took Kyoko's spot, laughing sheepishly at a bumble in the kitchen.

"Kyoko was… she meant the world to me…" the cook frowned. She drank the last of her tea.

A sniffle brought her back to the present.

Mami didn't realize she'd gotten lost in her musing before looking up to find tears trickling down a shaky Madoka's face.

"Ah, Madoka, are you alright?" she asked, hands reaching forward to wipe the tears away. As her thumb skimmed across the stained skin, Madoka held the older girl's palm in place with her own, leaning into the finger pads and scrunching her face. More tears squeezed from the ducts.

"She sounds nothing like Homura…" Madoka shook, "But the way you talk about her… it's the same way I think about her…"

Mami's fingers pressed back into Madoka's face as they curled in empathy, her heart tearing in two at the mewling girl.

"I… I miss her so much," the pinkette cried. Mami stood and circled the table, wrapping the smaller girl in both her arms. As Madoka buried herself into Mami's chest a mix of desire and heroic desperation bubbled and boiled about her body.

The blonde made a decision right then and there. A very stupid decision, she knew, but a decision nonetheless.

"I know how you feel, Madoka," Mami shuddered. She squeezed the smaller girl and lifted herself from the hold, watery pink (almost red now) eyes staring up at her, confused. "We've both lost people we cared about, and maybe… for a night we might be able to forget them. But only together…"

The blonde bobbed her head to the side and approached a closed cabinet fitted in the corner of the dining room. She popped the latch and reached inside, pulling out a wide-bottomed bottle with a red label and a very bright cork.

"My mom and dad had a modest wine collection…" Mami explained, setting the bottle on the table. She strode over to the kitchen and reached around to her cup cabinet to pull out two crystal wine glasses. She walked back in, set them down, and held up a cork screw. In seconds, the cork was undone and they both stood there, looking at the bottle, "I've only dived into it once or twice… They're for very special occasions… And I think getting us both through a tough night counts…" Mami sucked in a breath before pouring a glass for herself, sticky red swirling around the clear material before settling like a crimson lake floating in the middle of the table. She went to pour a glass for Madoka, but noticed the hesitant look in the girl's eyes. The blonde pulled back, wondering if she'd made a worse move than she thought. "You don't have to drink if you don't want, I won't force you…"

The pinkette eyed the bottle warily… before shakily pushing her tea saucer aside, reaching for Mami's generously filled glass, and downing its contents in one gulp.

Madoka released a satisfied sigh mixed with a bitter wince at the alcohol's acidity. She grinned up at Mami, eyes closed, tears still dampening her cheeks, "I… I'd like some more, please."

Mami swallowed, poured a full glass for each of them, and then guzzled down her first for the night before Madoka could even get hers back to her lips.

Whatever happened that night, Mami had no problem forgetting every misery in her life for just a few hours, no matter what it took.

O/o\O

The morning always brought grogginess. Mami wasn't necessarily the worst waker in the world; heck, she considered herself pretty good at dragging herself out of bed… but that didn't mean that she enjoyed it. It didn't help that most mornings she felt that horrible chill clawing at her chest.

She was always of two minds about it; one, the morning was often a lovely time of day where the sun illuminated prettier parts of the world and the world itself was quieter as it stirred, and two, the morning should never come because it wakes people from rather peaceful slumber.

Luckily, those rare mornings where she was able to sleep in met the two in the middle where she could observe the serenity of the world from the warmth and comfort of her sheets, all while enjoying the cathartic flexing of her muscles in peace.

This particular morning felt hazier and she felt a bitter combination of tastes roll along her tongue. She frowned, recognizing the taste of wine among the menagerie, though the other taste wasn't quite familiar. She must have drunk the night prior. That was unusual.

Added to the 'unusual' list was the absence of her clothing, which her sheets clearly told her had been discarded in bulk before she'd slipped under the covers. That was fine, she'd had her flights with sleeping commando before, though they were more often than not rare. She chalked that up to the probable drinking as well.

Alarm bells in her head only started to go off when she felt patches of damp sheets beneath her body and a soreness between her legs. She furrowed her brow and began to take more detailed stock of her surroundings.

She didn't have to search long, because in moments one of her stretching arms came to slide across a warm body to her left. A warm body covered in soft, supple skin. A warm body completely naked resting comfortably to her side.

Mami blinked before glancing left. Her eyes widened in panic.

A full head of puffy pink hair was curled up on the pillow besides her.

The night flowed back to her.

Opening the wine, downing a glass, then another, then another, then the next bottle.

Drunken jokes with Madoka, who had helped her and then some with the bottles on her own.

That awkward moment of quiet, that moment where Mami decided to drop the pretense and kissed Madoka on a whim of her heart.

That wonderful moment where Madoka reciprocated.

That airy moment where the two had push each other towards Mami's bedroom.

That ceremonial moment where Madoka had slipped off Homura's gift. Along with everything else.

Blood rushed to Mami's face as she finally understood what the other taste in her mouth was.

The blonde had know about her attraction to her junior for quite some time. Madoka had wormed a special place into Mami's heart, a place that Kyoko had filled previously. But Mami thought the crush was just a consequence of her loneliness, that she could simply hold Madoka as a friend and still fill that void.

Drunk Mami didn't seem to agree. And now Sober Mami had to deal with the fallout.

Madoka stirred underneath, fuchsia eyes fluttering open as a yawn escaped her mouth.

The blonde stared down at the girl like a deer in headlights; the pinkette met her stare with a gentle, dreamy smile.

"Mornin', Mami…" the girl yawned a second time, a single slender arm reaching for the headboard.

"I… I… I… I…" Mami's mouth flapped like a fish deprived of water.

Sheets slipped away as the blonde jerked back, away from Madoka. In seconds she'd realized her error and fumbled for the blankets before her generous bust became exposed. The pinkette watched, eyes filled with confusion as Mami continued to stare on in horror.

"M-M-Madoka… I'm sorry… I'm so sorry!" Mami quivered. "I didn't mean to take advantage…"

A finger pressed itself to Mami's lips. Madoka moved up, not even making an attempt to stay decent, and kissed the blonde, pulling back to smile at the floundering senior.

"Mami, you didn't…" Madoka sighed, blinking the bleariness from her eye, using a knuckle to grind out the dew in the corners. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Mami.

The senior hesitated, but gently returned the hold, so cautiously that it barely felt like a hold to begin with.

"I… needed that," Madoka admitted, tightening herself around Mami's middle, making the blonde's heart pound faster. "This whole year I've been stuck on Homura… I haven't really been myself, and I'm sorry… I'm the one that's sorry…" Mami started to cry and finally dedicated herself to the hug and buried her face in the pink tuft. "Do you remember what I said last night?"

Mami shook her head, words stuck in her throat.

"I said," Madoka breathed, "That I love Homura… I won't ever stop… I can't stop. But I love you too. And I need to stop moping over something I can't change. I need to love what I have now… So I chose this. Mami, I _chose_ this. I _chose_ you."

The girl's breath was hot on her skin, which prickled.

"But we were drunk…" Mami moaned begrudgingly.

"We were honest," Madoka replied.

The blonde was still for a time, the pinkette burying into her side.

"I… I feel guilty… I feel dirty," the senior admitted.

"And I feel like we're supposed to feel that way…" Madoka pulled back and looked up into those golden eyes. "But I think we're supposed to work through that… together."

Mami stared into deep pink pools before finally giving in, leaning down, and taking in Madoka's lips.

"I just don't want to be cold anymore…" Mami whimpered, her lips coming loose from the pinkette's.

Madoka smiled, "Then I better get started warming you up!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And yet another story for the Souls Beyond Time series finally wrapped up! The idea of Mami, in a way, taking advantage of Madoka in order to stem her own growing loneliness has always appealed to me for some sick reason, and the fact that Madoka is very caring and understanding about it makes it even better.
> 
> We're about 1/3 of the SBT series, and I'm still debating which story of the canon will be next... most likely it'll be Sayaka focused, but there are other options I've got at my disposal.
> 
> And for those of you who saw it, I wrote a Mami/Madoka smut fic for a commission. The timing is purely coincidental, I assure you. XD
> 
> I'd love to hear all of your thoughts on the series so far, so please feel free to leave a review or comment!
> 
> Also remember that you can commission me at any time; my door is always open!
> 
> Thank you all for reading, catch ya on the flipside!

**Author's Note:**

> There's the first half of Charcoal! Keep an eye out for the second part sometime later this week! Also, I've gotten my first commission, which will most likely be out in the next few days! It's very... different to what I usually write.
> 
> Catch you all on the flipside!


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